Life is a Miracle and Every Breath is a Gift
If you’re reading this and you’re in the middle of your own battle—whether it’s with your body, your past, or your mind, know this: it’s never too late. You can rewrite your story. You can rebuild from the ruins. You can rise from the weight that buried you down. Because healing isn’t a miracle that happens to you. It’s a miracle you create, one choice at a time. You matter.
And from a heart of ashes, you can burn free too.
Namaste.
Doug
Me before and after, 412 pounds down to 189 pounds now.
On January 27th of this year I nearly lost my life to a heart attack. I was found unconscious and alone in my office on a bitter cold winter Maine night. Ongoing unemployment, financial ruin, PTSD, obesity, diabetes, and heart failure had taken everything from me. I was so utterly depressed, full of shame and guilt that I felt I had nothing to live for any longer.
I was rushed to the local hospital, transferred to a bigger and better hospital the next day, and was in the cardiac ICU for almost two weeks. One thing became crystal clear: not even the next breath was for certain.
But fortunately the medical care I received was excellent and all my procedures went really well. And it was one night during recovery that something… a voice from deep inside of me spoke to me. In that moment, I stared at both the face of death and the light of life, and felt the weight of everything that had led me there: the years of battling PTSD, the struggle with obesity, the constant fight against diabetes and heart failure. I’d spent decades living in a body and mind that were at war with each other. I weighed as much as 412 pounds at my worst. And sadly, I had done this to myself.
But, in the same moment there was a different voice that said in a vivid and clear tone, “You are alive!, Yes, you are alive!”.
After that, when I came out of the hospital, I wasn’t the same. I didn’t want to be the same. I realized that life isn’t just about surviving—it’s about awakening. I began rebuilding myself from the inside out. No surgery, no shortcuts. Just daily choices, discipline, and faith.
I started to see food differently. Movement differently. Stillness differently. I embraced the people who inspired me—the ones who believed in my strength even when I didn’t. My dear partner, Lorna, my dear friends Ken and Annie, my dear comrade, Gil… my dear brother Jamie, the medical staff around me, my dear service dog, Bootsy. I learned to breathe again, to forgive myself, and to take each sunrise as a gift.
I changed my lifestyle 100%. I threw out the word “diet” and embraced the concept “eating plan”. I embraced a ketogenic lifestyle with daily intermittent and multi-day fasting. I started eating only organic food, mostly raw. No processed food – I learned to cook (what a joy!). I went from taking thirteen meds down to just two. I beat heart failure, aFib, diabetes.. all of it!
With time and determination I was able to go from 327 pounds to 189 pounds now. No surgery. No shortcuts. Just a promise to myself: to live, and a promise to my dear family and friends to live.
I meditate and pray every morning, have my daily yoga and workout routine at the local gym. I spend time daily being mindful and thankful for every moment and every breath in my lungs. I pray daily that all beings may be surrounded by loving kindness and that I may be of help to someone today.
(Note: I actually started out at about 412 pounds and lost little by little over a period of ten years but still lived an unhealthy life. And now I still have about 30 pounds I want to lose so that I can start running in marathons eventually.)
But you know what? It’s more than the weight I lost was the life I gained. It’s the realization that no matter what treasuring and nurturing my mind, body and soul is the most important to me. It’s everything.
And there’s something else I want to share. I’ve been a musician and a songwriter all my life (drums is my main instrument). Inspired by my close friend, Dan Yee, I wrote the song, From a Heart of Ashes as an expression of my journey and my renewal. And in the spirit of these times, I used Suno to help me. I wrote the lyrics, the arrangement, the instrumentation and the prompt and settings. I let Suno do the rest. (Later I’ll record it in the studio with my real band).
I want to share a song I wrote about my experience, From a Heart of Ashes.
Every breath is a gift. Every heartbeat is proof.
The song From a Heart of Ashes came from this journey. Every lyric is a truth I’ve lived:
From a Heart of Ashes
I walked through the war inside my mind,
Ghosts in the mirror, scars I couldn’t hide.
The silence screamed louder than the sirens did,
I was breathing but I wasn’t really in life.
Then the thunder cracked inside my chest,
Time froze — I stared at death in the breathless west.
Felt my pulse slip
Like a coin in the dark,
But I lit that flame from a dying spark.
I rose from the weight that buried me down,
Shed my skin ‘til I kissed the ground.
Every pound was a chain, every tear a seed,
Now I’m lighter than the pain that used to feed me.
From a heart of ashes, I’m burning free —
This victory’s a part of me.
From a heart of ashes, I’m burning free —
This victory’s a part of me.
The clock was a thief, but it taught me grace,
Every second now’s a holy place.
I carved my will with trembling hands,
Built my peace from shattered plans.
But the storm still hums beneath my ribs,
And I learned to dance where the lightning lives.
Every scar’s a map back home,
And I walk that line — I’m no longer alone this time.
I rose from the weight that buried me down,
Shed my skin ‘til I kissed the ground.
Every pound was a chain, every tear a seed,
Now I’m lighter than the pain that used to feed me.
From a heart of ashes, I’m burning free —
This victory’s a part of me.
From a heart of ashes, I’m burning free —
This victory’s a part of me.
I’ve wrestled shadows in the flood,
Drank my fear like bitter blood.
But the light found cracks in my soul’s old glass,
Now the dark can’t hold me back.
I rose from the weight that buried me down,
Shed my skin ‘til I kissed the ground.
Every pound was a chain, every tear a seed,
Now I’m lighter than the pain that used to feed me.
From a heart of ashes, I’m burning free —
This victory’s a part of me.
From a heart of ashes, I’m burning free —
This victory’s a part of me.
Yeah, I’m living proof the dead can sing,
With every breath — I’m everything.
From a heart of Ashes, I’m burning free …
Sometimes, when the fire burns everything down, it clears space for rebirth. My heart, once broken and failing, now beats with gratitude and strength. My mind, once haunted by trauma, now finds peace in purpose. My soul, once dimmed by pain, now burns brighter than ever.
Be the change you want to be.
Namaste.
WOW, Doug!!! What a triumph, not only what you have written but what you have lived! I’m so proud of you, Dear Friend!
Love to you and very best wishes for a long and happy new life!